Children of Paradise

I'm getting better. Thanks to all the prayers and concerns. Still, once in a while, it hurts. Especially looking at newborns and things related to pregnancy. The obstetrics team said your death was unexplainable. Everything was completely normal. Normal within our capability to investigate at least. But Allah knows better. Yes, alam rahim is definitely is one of the alam ghaib. It's really hard to say. 

Truthfully I was hoping for a reason why you'd gone. At least to console the broken heart. But we didn't get any answer. You just left us without a sign. Part of me blamed myself. For not taking proper care of myself, for not focusing the fact that I was pregnant, for letting myself doing the hard works and being too active...to a point I may have jeopardise your health. 

Dear Fateh, (we decided to name you so - well it was Papa's decision since he likes the name so much) we know that you were selected to be one of the children of paradise (wildan mukhaladdun). Still, sometimes we feel sad, thinking of what you and your big brother, Usamah may have achieve together if you were here. But it's okay sayang. We know you'll be waiting at Jannah. Do pray for us, that we will be meeting you there. 

A child that we mourned

How should i begin this post. I wondered so many times on how should i write it. My mind is indeed in a mess. I'm devastated and heart-broken. God knows how painful it felt and went through it. I'm indeed sad my baby. I am. 

We were just 2 months shy away from our point of meeting. I'm nervous yet i had so many things planned in my mind. But u went so soon and sudden, my dear baby. Everyday, i wondered and wondered where my mistakes were. Did i go so rough on u, why didn't i notice it earlier, why didn't u give me more signs that u were going back then. I am sad my dear baby. I am. 

I cried and cried. But it didn't change the fact that u'd gone. 

Our wildan...