A thousand years...

and so a year has passed since my last post in 2016. i am writing this very quickly while my small one is having his beauty sleep.

my last post; i was still single and having my emotional cracked down. such hormonal post with mind so messed up with my life at that moment.

now, still about the same, emotional not stable, mind still in mess, just to add more mess in my  appearance with the unpleasant sour smelled of my breast milk. lol.

i've married for about 1 years. such an infancy marriage with so many ups and down. i met my husband during my 1st posting at the hospital. not a Cinderella story or what so ever. just happened he is the right person at the right moment (and of course with Allah's will). we quarrelled a lot after we got married. we were always on different pages. we argued  almost every week (especially during our off day - haha, guess the rest of the week we were just too busy with our works, no time to even argue or finding each other's flaws). so, marriage was not a total bliss. well, we all know that already. but still, people do get marred. haha. i guess having a person who initially was a total stranger, but at the end loves and fonds of you, just who you are, is a real blessing. people said, bad memories will go away, but the good ones always adhere to you forever. lol.

 there was no mic or speaker and this was outside the dewan masjid.
i hardly heard anything, tiba2, dah SAH2. haha. 

completely an awkward stare. hmmm 

budget je gambar romantic gini.
hakikatnya, time ni badan habes peluh sakan lps seharian sambut, tudung senget, mekap pun dh pudar haha

till here. i am so sleepy. haven't sleep well since little one arrived haha.  

melodramatic

things can get pretty much lonely here. esp during rainy season. somehow, u just have no idea where to go to...just looking out through the windows, drops of rain seem unstoppable. i miss my fav jogging track where  i used to go once a week, just to let the mind run and i miss the beach, the wide blue sea. now the waves looks a bit scary with the wind along it. 

is it in the rain or just the hormones get in their way that keep on messed up with my head. sometimes, u feel like crying, sometimes it feels so low on the mood that i dont know what to do and who to talk to.  

and i just cannot removed this pic of one family that i saw 2 weeks ago. their son passed away after severe head injury in an accident. the father was so lost. he just lost it. i remembered seeing him sitting on the bare floor at the edge of the room. his back slouched forward. he was drinking a can of juice and was staring blankly to nowhere. the family kept on requesting for an operation. something to be done for their beloved. the prob was, the brain was not salvageable. beyond what a human can fix. when my surgeon said no and strictly no to an operation, every single no, kills the hope that they were holding on. the father's eyes got more and more watery, and the crack in his voice.......i just couldn't take it, i went out from the room. let my surgeon and the rest of superiors did the breaking news. 

the rain and sadness sometimes intertwined. 

it makes u remember all d sad stories. sad feeling. 

dark clouds outside and inside me

#MyHero

If u asked me who inspired me the most

i guess the answer is too obvious

.

His will and determination 

always amaze me

. 

to a point, i can't believe 

that i am his daughter

. 

just one tiny and timid soul 

who is pretty much lacking 

in everything

.

is blessed with such 

a strong and beautiful soul

.

Thank you Allah for this blessing 

.

Happy birthday #MyHero

Of lacey and beads

I didnt write too much lately. i guess my mine is too preoccupied to settle what's coming this dec. hmmmm. too much thots that im not sure whether i can handle this or not. too much of everything that once in while it gives u a knot in ur tummy, feeling insecure and unsure how to react.

It leads u thinking why r u doing this. The expectations and everything that trails behind it.

Changes will be big. huge. and absolutely humongous.

....

hey si ketam.