melodramatic

things can get pretty much lonely here. esp during rainy season. somehow, u just have no idea where to go to...just looking out through the windows, drops of rain seem unstoppable. i miss my fav jogging track where  i used to go once a week, just to let the mind run and i miss the beach, the wide blue sea. now the waves looks a bit scary with the wind along it. 

is it in the rain or just the hormones get in their way that keep on messed up with my head. sometimes, u feel like crying, sometimes it feels so low on the mood that i dont know what to do and who to talk to.  

and i just cannot removed this pic of one family that i saw 2 weeks ago. their son passed away after severe head injury in an accident. the father was so lost. he just lost it. i remembered seeing him sitting on the bare floor at the edge of the room. his back slouched forward. he was drinking a can of juice and was staring blankly to nowhere. the family kept on requesting for an operation. something to be done for their beloved. the prob was, the brain was not salvageable. beyond what a human can fix. when my surgeon said no and strictly no to an operation, every single no, kills the hope that they were holding on. the father's eyes got more and more watery, and the crack in his voice.......i just couldn't take it, i went out from the room. let my surgeon and the rest of superiors did the breaking news. 

the rain and sadness sometimes intertwined. 

it makes u remember all d sad stories. sad feeling. 

dark clouds outside and inside me

#MyHero

If u asked me who inspired me the most

i guess the answer is too obvious

.

His will and determination 

always amaze me

. 

to a point, i can't believe 

that i am his daughter

. 

just one tiny and timid soul 

who is pretty much lacking 

in everything

.

is blessed with such 

a strong and beautiful soul

.

Thank you Allah for this blessing 

.

Happy birthday #MyHero

Of lacey and beads

I didnt write too much lately. i guess my mine is too preoccupied to settle what's coming this dec. hmmmm. too much thots that im not sure whether i can handle this or not. too much of everything that once in while it gives u a knot in ur tummy, feeling insecure and unsure how to react.

It leads u thinking why r u doing this. The expectations and everything that trails behind it.

Changes will be big. huge. and absolutely humongous.

....

hey si ketam. 

keep on swimmingg

it's been almost 2 months i did not rant anything here. i got so much to write, so many to share yet, sometimes in front of screen nothing just come out. hehe.

feel u....hahaah

here i am. home again. every single sight of the lanes and trees leading to the house, feel so good and welcoming. i took slower steps, scrutinising the details of the road, the houses neighbouring it and every else in between.

home is where ur heart is...lol

I am now entering my 3rd posting. still a lousy ho if u ask me. medical and surgical r definitely 2 different line of thots. medical like take blood this, that, ix pending, let's wait, cont observation and bla bla bla. on the other hand, surgical like, ok knbm, knbm, knbm....hahaha if u know what i mean. i enjoy both anyway. adapting and still learning everyday.

Sometimes, u remembered back ur early days being a ho. the 1st few months. away from family, home and good friends. everyday is a fight. i tell myself, that i have a choice. i can choose to be sad and cry everyday. or i can choose to be happy, go to work, do my task properly and enjoy the people around me. i chose latter. although, there were still crappy days. but alhamdulillah i still managed to survive my 1st few months.

and u wonder, what the purpose of above pic? hahah. it was a bad day and i was trying to smile for the camera which i looked ridiculous actually haha. this was after i was being scolded likeee gile2 by my superior for causing my patient to miss his ambulance. (well, wasnt really entirely my fault, my niat suci murni was to help a colleague, but later i was indirectly dragged into it too lol). sometimes, u dun get life. hahaha. i mean, u r trying ur best to do ur task, yet u got scolded by ur patient. u got screamed by the pt's relative at the point where every one else in the ward can hear. and the sister of the ward was furious and started to interrogate u back. and later, ur superior plak scolded at u in front of everybody else. and at the end of the day, the blame was on this lousy ho. yet, here ur r, running here and there trying to do ur best. maybe was not the best yet. hahahaha.

there will be bad days...always will haha

but stil there r good days too. u will never forget the moment, after conducting a delivery, and the mother decided to name the baby after u (thank God, my name is cute and the baby was a girl lol). meeting patients and relatives who kept on thanking u despite u dun do that much. and so much more.

lol. once dh start ranting, feel like non stop pule haha.

just keep on swimming going hihi.

my fav trail for jogging...hihi...a place to sort out the clutterness of ur mind. 

with copwaa and chaaan. 

perks having beach at back of hosp. uneventful ward, pantai STAT! ahaha

till here. and till i write some more. :)