Perit.

Today, after quite some time, I went visit my grandmother wif my father. Lame dh xjmpe. Everytime I see her, my heart aches. Sedih tgk her condition. She has dementia aka nyanyuk la tu. But not that bad la, coz she's on meds. BTW, she still recognizes us esp me :P, that's a good thing la. Deep down inside that fragile body, I know there is a strong woman fighting to survive. Her 20 years suffering of stroke and the resultant paralysis has proven her resilience. And being unable to walk and has very limited movement, her muscles atrophied. So, from using canes, wheel chair, now, she's only able to 'mengengsok?'. Tu pun, with the help of someone. It's not easy to see her like that, apatah lg to be her. There were times where she was in denial of her condition. Who can tolerate the fact that one has no control over one's body. But as time goes by, she endured the pain and accepted her illness. Of course, with the support of her beloved ones and strength given by Allah. We used to think that she would actually go to see her Rabb first than my grandfather, judging by her state. Tp Allah lebih mengetahui. Siapa sangka, my grandfather was diagnosed of cancer and passed away a few years after that (rahimahullah). That was a great impact on her, losing her companion and her only soul mate.Nevertheless, her life must go on.

But then, lately, there was this person (may Allah condemn it!!), sampai hati mencuri dr my sick grandmother. All her jewellery was stolen. Xde belas kasihan ke?! For God sake! With her condition like that, it is unthinkable for someone to act that way. Unfortunately, after that, she developed post-traumatic effects. She felt like falling, suffocating, something hot inside her and etc. Since, all of these are psychologically derived, we're only able to console and calm her je la. Xpsl2, she got unnecessary problems because of other's greediness. Hmmm. Nk buat mcm mne. Just leave it to Allah.

Later, it got me into thinking  the reasons why I want to be a doc. Bcause of my father ke? Ikut org? Org suruh? Gaji lumayan? Nk nmpak gah jd doc? Nope. There is something more profound that I, myself could not describe it. But today, after having a conversation with my father about my grandmother, her illness, meds, etc, I've come into a self-realization of why I want to become a doc (niat kerana Allah tu mmg la). It is simple. I want that knowledge. Knowledge of knowing how to treat. To not be ignorance of others' (even myelf) sufferings. That particular knowledge that I want to learn and apply later. I.Allah. Moga Allah mudahkan my route of becoming a doc.

Not a crazy doc, I hope. :P