keep on swimmingg

it's been almost 2 months i did not rant anything here. i got so much to write, so many to share yet, sometimes in front of screen nothing just come out. hehe.

feel u....hahaah

here i am. home again. every single sight of the lanes and trees leading to the house, feel so good and welcoming. i took slower steps, scrutinising the details of the road, the houses neighbouring it and every else in between.

home is where ur heart is...lol

I am now entering my 3rd posting. still a lousy ho if u ask me. medical and surgical r definitely 2 different line of thots. medical like take blood this, that, ix pending, let's wait, cont observation and bla bla bla. on the other hand, surgical like, ok knbm, knbm, knbm....hahaha if u know what i mean. i enjoy both anyway. adapting and still learning everyday.

Sometimes, u remembered back ur early days being a ho. the 1st few months. away from family, home and good friends. everyday is a fight. i tell myself, that i have a choice. i can choose to be sad and cry everyday. or i can choose to be happy, go to work, do my task properly and enjoy the people around me. i chose latter. although, there were still crappy days. but alhamdulillah i still managed to survive my 1st few months.

and u wonder, what the purpose of above pic? hahah. it was a bad day and i was trying to smile for the camera which i looked ridiculous actually haha. this was after i was being scolded likeee gile2 by my superior for causing my patient to miss his ambulance. (well, wasnt really entirely my fault, my niat suci murni was to help a colleague, but later i was indirectly dragged into it too lol). sometimes, u dun get life. hahaha. i mean, u r trying ur best to do ur task, yet u got scolded by ur patient. u got screamed by the pt's relative at the point where every one else in the ward can hear. and the sister of the ward was furious and started to interrogate u back. and later, ur superior plak scolded at u in front of everybody else. and at the end of the day, the blame was on this lousy ho. yet, here ur r, running here and there trying to do ur best. maybe was not the best yet. hahahaha.

there will be bad days...always will haha

but stil there r good days too. u will never forget the moment, after conducting a delivery, and the mother decided to name the baby after u (thank God, my name is cute and the baby was a girl lol). meeting patients and relatives who kept on thanking u despite u dun do that much. and so much more.

lol. once dh start ranting, feel like non stop pule haha.

just keep on swimming going hihi.

my fav trail for jogging...hihi...a place to sort out the clutterness of ur mind. 

with copwaa and chaaan. 

perks having beach at back of hosp. uneventful ward, pantai STAT! ahaha

till here. and till i write some more. :)

Raya :)

Off day in Tganu be like....
.
beach
.
beach
.
and some more beach.

Even on a hot sunny day. :)

ntah ape yg cube dilakukan 

This raya, many of my siblings were away. So it was just my parents, my younger brother and i. But still i was still happy to be home. Seeing ur parents is such a blessing. 

going home on the 1st raye...both were postcall. thank God, we survived the journey with caffein on board of course.

the only raye photo i got...hahaha

till here. not so many things to write. i've promised myself to study for viva, which i've been procrastinated since ever...lol

Studying is so much easier when u r student. Now, it's like malas-ness everywhere and wanted to sleep every time that is possible hahahaha.

Well, guess not to late to say, eid mubarak peeps :)

missing ramadhan and every thing else in between

#1
"1st day tak sahur  dgn family ni"
"oh, ak everyday.."
"xpe mu dah biase"

Biasa. Lame jugak word tu clings inside my brain.

Bukan biase. its the only choice though.

Ramdhan coming to its end. Alhmdulillah, for the past few weeks, i was assigned to a less busy ward. So, dan juga nk berkejaran ke masjid klau shift pagi la.

Slalu lps solat kt qaryah, once kuar masjid, benda pertama aku akan wat adalah mencari kelibat baba. Nak balik cepat sbb ngantuk hahaahah. ok lwk. Tp sekarang drive sorg2 prgi, balik nak kuar masjid, pandang kanan kiri, ntah aku cube cari sape pun tak pasti. lol.

Lepak kat fountain yg kering ni sambil2 dgn recitation imam yg best.

Miraculously, ntah mcm mne, ak dpt cuti raya. Waktu ak pergi mintak dgn sp tu, ak expect jugak kne bantai ke ape. Last2 die sign je CR tanpa mempersoalkan ape2. hihi. happy nye la time tu :)



#2
"ko ni asyik nk sebut forever alone, bila ak nk introduce somebody xnak pule"
"bukan xnk, xbersedia la...perempuan ni complicated, diorg perlukan constant attention, so, aku mmg tak bersedia"
"lol, mne ade pompuan gitu *denial mode*"
"hey, ak dah byk mkn garam okay"
"lol"

hahaha. iklan je conversation kat ats. wishing advanced mabruuk to friends who r about to begin a new phase of life.

dan aku di sini masih sceptical dgn sume ni. lol.

just one boring life of a HO

so i'm home for now. just for 2 days. tomorrow got to work again as usual. sometimes, u just lost d energy that u kept u going. that u just want to lay on bed, do perfectly nothing and watch the fan spinning. thinking of nothing at all. hahaha. ok sucks right?

entering 2nd phase of ramadhan. entering ramadhan and leaving it without feeling of refreshing and recharging at all is such an ultimate loss. everyday trying to think, how can i made today better than yesterday. somehow was stuck in that process of thinking. hahaha.

yes, home. seeing my younger brother back. feeling him much shorter that before. or was it my perception has been biased after seeing so much of a tall person. haha. funny.

so, my father and brother was off to prk sg besar. guys in this family r always in high spirit esp in political sense (well, except for my elder brothers). i was always in d middle. unsure of what to do. haha. wondering whether will we ever achieve a mature political environment. my brother said, that y we need a new generation for this. a new frontliner, free from current tight and conventional thinking. ok, u go bro! u guys got my full support from back. haha.

and my other younger brother is currently embarking on his philosophical journey into world of shiah. haha. sebenarnya die tgh tour kat Iran je (u can read his journey notes in his instag). got us worried sometimes... even worrier when his travel guide or host is a girl. ahahahahaahah. gosh, baby bro, dont u dare man!

on the other hand, for me, am only to make a journey note on a bed. just stuck here and there (read : hospital).

anyway, baba said i need to improve my social skill. if not now, later i need too. haha. for an purely introvert (pure la sgt), it needs energy to do so. always dislike social gathering. i'd always prefer smaller group of intimately-known-people. hahaha. okay2, u can pull this off.

and yeah lastly, among the things i learn as a ho is...ho is always at fault. we r just a group of lazy ppl that always unable to properly get things right, manja, somemore lazy again and manja again. hahaha. *sarcastic mode on*
ntah laa....kekadang terfikir, HO ni ape sebenarnye....
i mean, u try to do ur jobs properly, carry ur plan, do work faster, trying to satisfy ur pt and ur superiors and wanting to learn some more. in between that, we r still losers,  bossess not happy and we still maintain brainless. hahaha. where r d loopholess man?!

ntah ape ak merepek ni.

post call and bus.

with aisha and husnaaaaa. among the perks of having beach at the back of hosp. haha